Cheers, love and sunshine,
Kath xo
*******************************
Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving 'til 5.
Sincerely, Unicorns
Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely, Logic
Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely, The Titanic
Dear J.K. Rowling,
Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?
Sincerely, Anonymous
Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely, Canada
Dear Boyfriend,
I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
Sincerely, Spiders
Dear Voldemort,
So they screwed up your nose too?
Sincerely, Michael Jackson
Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...
Sincerely, Google
Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.
Sincerely, BP
Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?
Sincerely, 1985
Dear Justin Bieber,
Ariel would really love her voice back.
Sincerely, King Triton
Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can't touch this.
Sincerely, That Little Triangle
Dear Taylor Swift,
If it is of any interest to you, Romeo and Juliet both kill themselves in the end.
Sincerely, Shakespeare
Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely, God
Dear Rubik's Cube,
Done!
Sincerely, Colorblind
Dear Santa,
Please tell me how you managed to stop at three Ho's.
Sincerely, Tiger Woods
Dear Boys Wearing Skinny Jeans,
I. Can't. Breathe.
Sincerely, Your Balls
Dear Martin Luther King Jr.,
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream... What now?
Sincerely, Leonardo DiCaprio
Dear Sleeping Beauty,
I had to join the army, dress up like a man, defeat the Hun army and totally save China for my man. All you had to do was wake up
Sincerely, Mulan
Dear Romeo,
My death isn't the only thing I've been faking...
Sincerely, Juliet
Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
Sincerely, Unimpressed
Dear Toaster,
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?
Sincerely, Toast
Dear Edward,
I really hope that one day, I can find my way into your heart.
Sincerely, a stake
Dear Prince Charming,
You've got some explaining to do!
Sincerely, Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel and Sleeping Beauty
**************************************
"THOSE DARN TEXANS"
Gabriel went to the Lord and said, "I have to talk to you. We have
some Texans up here who are causing some real problems... They're
swinging on the Pearly Gates, my horn is missing, and they are wearing
T-shirts instead of their robes; there's barbecue sauce and picante
sauce all over everything, especially their T-shirts; their dogs are
riding in the chariots and chasing the sheep.
They are wearing baseball caps and cowboy hats instead of their halos.
They refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clean, and their boots are
marking and scuffing up the halls of Wisdom. There are watermelon
seeds and tortilla chip crumbs all over the place. Some of them are
walking around with just one wing; and they insist on bringing their
darn horses with them."
The Lord said, "Texans are Texans, Gabriel. Heaven is home to all of
my children. If you want to know about real problems, call the
Devil."
So Gabriel calls the Devil who answers the phone and says, "Hello --
hold on a minute...”
When he returns to the phone the Devil says, "O.K., I'm back. What can
I do for you?"
Gabriel replied, "I just want to know what kinds of problems you are
having down there with the Texans."
The Devil said, "Hold on again. I need to check on something."
After about 5 minutes the Devil returned to the phone and said. "I'm
back. Now what was the question?"
Gabriel said, "What kind of problems are you having down there with
the Texans?"
The Devil said, "Man, I don't believe this...hold on!!!!"
This time the Devil was gone 15 minutes and when he returns he says,
"I'm sorry Gabriel -- I can't talk right now!! Red Adair has put out
the fire here and now Brown & Root is installing air conditioning!!!!"
Always remember ... TEXANS SURVIVE ... despite the odds against us!!!
Gabriel went to the Lord and said, "I have to talk to you. We have
some Texans up here who are causing some real problems... They're
swinging on the Pearly Gates, my horn is missing, and they are wearing
T-shirts instead of their robes; there's barbecue sauce and picante
sauce all over everything, especially their T-shirts; their dogs are
riding in the chariots and chasing the sheep.
They are wearing baseball caps and cowboy hats instead of their halos.
They refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clean, and their boots are
marking and scuffing up the halls of Wisdom. There are watermelon
seeds and tortilla chip crumbs all over the place. Some of them are
walking around with just one wing; and they insist on bringing their
darn horses with them."
The Lord said, "Texans are Texans, Gabriel. Heaven is home to all of
my children. If you want to know about real problems, call the
Devil."
So Gabriel calls the Devil who answers the phone and says, "Hello --
hold on a minute...”
When he returns to the phone the Devil says, "O.K., I'm back. What can
I do for you?"
Gabriel replied, "I just want to know what kinds of problems you are
having down there with the Texans."
The Devil said, "Hold on again. I need to check on something."
After about 5 minutes the Devil returned to the phone and said. "I'm
back. Now what was the question?"
Gabriel said, "What kind of problems are you having down there with
the Texans?"
The Devil said, "Man, I don't believe this...hold on!!!!"
This time the Devil was gone 15 minutes and when he returns he says,
"I'm sorry Gabriel -- I can't talk right now!! Red Adair has put out
the fire here and now Brown & Root is installing air conditioning!!!!"
Always remember ... TEXANS SURVIVE ... despite the odds against us!!!
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